24 Recap: Freckles Goes Dark and Not Just In Hair Color

In college I would start a new semester thinking that it would be forever until the next break and then by the time I stopped to think for a second, we were a quarter of the way done, a lot had happened, we were getting ready for midterms, but I felt like I hadn't done any work. Well, folks, we're a quarter of the way done with 24. 6 episodes in and not much has happened although a lot has happened. President Hassan? He's already gone from President (David) Palmer* to President Logan in 3 episodes. But although not much happened this episode, I feel like we're getting ready for the showdown we've been waiting for: Jack vs. Vladamir and Freckles vs. Jack(...in bed).

*Side Note: Season 6 was a waste, but even more so when you think that they wasted Wayne Palmer's presidency on that season. I was never a big Wayne fan, but if you were going to make another President Palmer, at least use it in a season like this one where you need to weigh good vs. bad and make decisions. All Wayne did was get blown up, shot up with adrenaline and teeter on the brink of death. That's it. I feel like 24 used and disposed of Wayne Palmer like the New York Giants did with Kurt Warner. And, as you can tell, I'm still upset by both.

You know it's a weird episode when Chloe is the most put-together of all the women on the show. Freckles is teetering on the brink of insanity (more on her later) and Denny (my nickname for Dana/Jenny) may have already gone over the edge. It's a good thing there's no national crisis or anything while she's dealing with her issues. Seriously, she works for a government organization that has routinely denied the rights of the people it has detained. Plant some evidence on this guy that makes it seem he was involved in Hassan's assassination attempt and then send the fucker back to jail. Or kill him. Or send him to a government facility to steal money and send the cops after him to kill him. You pick. Just do it and get this side plot out of the way.

I mean I love how quickly Denny can get back and forth from her apartment to CTU without any problems of New York City traffic (those of us who lived in New York while the UN had all the foreign leaders knows that it would have taken her a LOT longer), but I think that when I like the subplot between Denny and Arlo The Horndog more than I like the ex back in her life that it's time to get rid of the ex. The only good line that Denny delivered this episode was when she asked "The Situation?" and I expected Mike from the Jersey Shore to pop out and say "did someone ask for me?" At least Arlo The Horndog (ATH? or is that reserved for Around the Horn?) seems to be on to her ridiculous-ass plan and maybe will end this before February Sweeps start.*


*Side Note: Sweeps starts February 4th and goes until March 3rd. If 24 can't get me hooked by then, it's really gone downhill. The Olympics run right into Sweeps but Jack Bauer and co. are pressing straight through. I love meself some Curling, but I don't want to be more excited about it than the next episode of 24..

Meanwhile, Baron Wolfgang von Wolfhausen is sitting in a U-Boat trying to figure out how to steal the recipe for Schnitzengiggle Beer, I mean he's very concerned that The Good Son hasn't brought The Evin Son to the house. Where has The Good Son brought his dying brother? To a clinic doctor who is nice enough to put on his white coat before trying to save The Evil Son. The doctor really doesn't seem to care if he dies because he asks The Good Son, “how did [your brother] get exposed to weapon’s grade uranium?” Like telling you this is going to help keep the patient or you alive, Doc. Just do you job and don't ask questions. Don't you know he's The Good Son? Or is The Good Son and The Evil Son switching roles as Jack and Freckles seem to be doing (too deep for this show?)?

But before The Good Son can get the meds to properly care for his brother, the Baron figures something's up, sends in some guys and shoots up the place like Gilbert Arenas. Then The Baron yells at The Good Son for talking about Beerfest, er, I mean talking back at him and shoots his brother. To teach him a lesson. Because Josef, The Good Son, there are rules. And when you disobey those rules, people get killed. So basically you made him do it. Of course you did. You tell yourself that while you bury him in 18 hours (if your dad doesn't kill you first).

While we're on the Passover-theme of trait-named-sons who ask questions, we'll also ask: why is President Hassan different from all other Presidents? Because he's a ruthless dictator! Dayienu? Not exactly. Hassan seems to also be paranoid with reason, but he's going to overreact like President Logan in Season 4 (just bring back President Palmer from the grave already--maybe the Smoke Monster can take over his body?*) He's going to torture a guy now who he knows may not be guilty. Who does Hassan think he is? Sayid?* I feel like President Taylor (and how great was it having Lucy say on Scrubs, "I was inspiring the group like my hero, the lesbian president from 24"?) is going to have to actually earn her undeserved Emmy from last season by stepping up to the plate here. Or not. I'm bored by the plot anyways, though I'm interested to see what the daughter and the top security guard have to do with each other/this whole plot.

*Side Note: Wrong show, I know, I know. Will do my LOST preview/review as well this week. And I know the whole Jack and Freckles thing has got you thinking of Jack Shephard and Kate Austin, but you only have to hold up a few more hours!

Finally, we can get to the only part of the show I care about, Jack, Freckles, and the uranium. After Jack spent the first few minutes recapping the reason that Renee shouldn't be undercover for those who didn't get it well enough from the "previously ons" telling Bubba why he should end the operation, how Freckles isn't competent and how he's going to switch himself for her in a few episodes, we're ready to get to business. But before we can get to business, Vladamir needs to get to business...if you know what I mean. Well first he tries to the whole "I was drunk and I didn't mean to brutally rape you defense" but Frecks isn't buying it. Actually she's getting even angrier. And by getting angry, she's getting Vlad angry. And getting Vlad angry means that he's going to make Jack a dead man and keep Freckles as a slave. But first he's going to steal the $5 million retainer he calls "the price of admission"*.

*Side Note: $5 M is the price of admission? Naming his price to an arms dealer? Who does this guy think he is? Johnny Damon? Scott Boras? People need to learn their lesson and stop dictating terms to the people with the money. It's usually the other way around, people. Deal with it. Vlad is not going to have any more success hardballing Jack Bauer than Damon and Boras have had trying to do the same to the New York Yankees. Can't they learn from each others' mistakes.

Well actually first Freckles is going to hotly come out of the shower naked (and that was very hot, Frecks), "go dark" for absolutely no reason (she didn't take the earpiece out in the fucking shower but will now that she's going to have sex against her will? I don't get it) and do the nasty with Vladamir again*. Except Freckles obviously hasn't looked in the mirror lately, because she is dark--very dark--and mysterious. And teetering on the brink of going Alan Wilson on Vladamir's sorry ass. Or killing herself (it's really hard to tell now-a-days)

*Side Note: at this point, I expected Jack and Freckles to turn into Liv and Elliot from Law & Order: SVU and then I remembered that they were after uranium and not a sex fiend. Which is a shame. And I'm pretty sure there's as much sexual tension between Jack and Freckles to turn into Stabler and Benson. Or maybe that's just me. And does that make Chloe's equivalent Munch? I think so

Oh, bee-tee-dubs, remember how The Baron plays a German guy in Beerfest but a Russian guy on 24? Well Jack Bauer and Vlad's henchman #1 can speak both German and Russian (Jack is certainly The Wise Son). Rosetta Stone works great for CTU Agents and henchmen, alike. After a feeling out period which includes Jack's ridiculous glasses (because, of course, no one would believe he was foreign if he didn't wear them), Jack is all set up to be shot...when Freddy bails him out with some sweet sniper action. So now we have Jack and Freckles and Vladamir and Uranium all coming together next week for Sweeps. Let's hope there's more shooting and maybe Jack and Freckles can finally get down to business. If you know what I mean.

Season grade so far: B. It's weird for me to upgrade it before seeing what's next, but I think that once you're done with all this lead-up to the showdown, you have Jack, Freckles, and both of them want to do horrible things to Vlad, yet get enough information out of him to make this all worthwhile. I'm more excited to watch next week's episode than I was one week ago. Which is why the grade went up. For now.

Best line of the week: [After Bubba says that the government doesn’t torture anymore]
“Just offer him immunity or whatever you people do” – Jack, who is so totally over Season 7's theme that torturing isn't cool. It's like they turned back the controls of the show from the Democrats to FOX the Republicans.

Best moment of the week: There's a tie. Freddy sniping the Russians was awesome. It was so James-Bond-video-game-esque. And I'm sorry to the women, but Renee dripping sexiness did it for me as well. They did this with Kim in Season 2 when she took a shower in Johnny Drama's bomb shelter (don't remember that, do you?) and came out looking all sexy. Again, here comes the Season 2 themes.

Ari's body count: 22 total. A new feature I keep on forgetting to provide, but Ari is keeping count of the bodies to see if we can match New York's declining murder rate. Today we lost the doc, two nurses, The Evil Son, and three Russian henchman. Amazingly, Jack killed none of them. Must be the side effects from the experimental treatment to cure radiation poisoning using stem cells. Oh, wait, there are no side effects, I forgot.

Thoughts? Comments? Looking forward to Sweeps starting/something actually happening again?