24 Recap: Where Every Woman Jack Touches Dies

The curse got Freckles too. Teri is dead. Nina is dead. Claudia too. Audrey is dead inside. Jack’s relationships never have to end with a breakup because, well, they all just die. Jack feels like he’s cursed and maybe, at this point, we can start to believe him. Why would you get close to him at this point? Death wish? Trying to live on the edge? You know that he’s going to put his country before you anyways. So why do women still do it? Because the allure of Jack Bauer, the All-American male is too great for most women to pass up, and like his British counterpart, James Bond, Jack Bauer’s women always find out way too late that his kiss is toxic. Jack Bauer--lady killer. RIP Freckles. Let’s rehash.

Why Freckles Died

It was a slow episode until the end. You sort of felt like this would be another one of those “set-up” episodes for what was coming next. But then—bam!—the gun went off and the whole season took another huge turn once again. I shouldn’t have seen it coming, but I fell into the “watching 24 one day late curse” (damn vacation got in the way of 24 watching) and got the dreaded “silent clock” message*. So I knew death was coming. I just didn’t think this would be the one.

*Side Note: I don’t mean to pick on any of my friends in particular (*cough* Paul *cough* Sarah *cough*), but when one of your friends may not have watched the show, instead of giving away big details of the show, maybe the best thing is to ask. To assume that someone who has just been on vacation has somehow caught the latest episode of 24 or LOST or anything like that where the ending would be giving away a lot is unfair. Just ask “have you watched?” and I would say “no! don’t tell me anything!” And this past episode wouldn’t have been spoiled. Oh well. It's a good thing I'm not upset (just kidding, by the way).

The episodes opens up with Jack telling President Taylor he’s sorry. Taylor says that he didn’t do anything wrong. Jack still feels he let her down for letting Hassan die. Jack, I feel like that’s about to be the least of your problems. Jack gives major props to FP jr, despite the fact that his relationship with Denny almost got everyone in New York killed. Stupid rookie mistake. Samir was the one guy still sort of alive when the mess was settled and the plan was to take him back to CTU to be interrogated.

Well he was alive until a fake EMT came around and gave him the dreaded “bad music needle”. You knew that wasn’t a nice sedative. The fake EMT (fEMT?) is a Russian guy who seems to be in cahoots with the Russian delegate who is trying to stop the peace process (?). The fEMT is following Jack and Freckles who, of course, are taking a cab. Couldn’t get them a car? They serve their country and all the government can afford is a Times Square Taxi*. Couldn’t they have had one car drive them home? No? Lame.

*Side Note: I just came back from a long weekend in Vegas (the aforementioned vacation). We debated as to whether New York was faker in 24 or in the hotel/casino New York, New York. I think it’s pretty much a tie. Both are horrible representations of what New York really is. The only “New Yorker” on this entire season of 24 has been FP jr’s horrible accent which really seems like a lovely season of misrepresenting New York. Oh, and we’re full of terrorists and moles. I heart NY.

When they get back to Jack’s apartment, we have an historic moment on the show: first mention of the recovery! Woohoo! Freckles inquires about the name of Jack’s granddaughter, which, of course, is Teri (bad foreshadowing) and wants Jack to know that she won’t “hold him down” (good foreshadowing)…and then, the hot kiss we’ve all been waiting for! Jack picks her up and leads her…away. Time to get Jack’d.

Pan to old guy in office. He’s a dead man. You can tell by the music. And it’s fEMT who has now killed two people today. Who knew that an EMT and an EMP would probably be the two most deadly aspects of 24 this season. fEMT checks out the scene and we see him now watching through a mirror as Jack and Freckles getting it on! They smushed!

We hit the bedroom to find Jack and Freckles post coitus (well after she, literally, “held him down”). Jack goes to get a drink after a quick kiss. What, he gets thirsty now? Jeez. Nice to see he actually has some bandages and scars. You know, the whole being shot at, tortured and stabbed thing seems to be effecting his dapper good looks just a bit. Damn you, terrorists!

All of a sudden Jack’s phone rings. Freckles answers Jack’s phone. And as she’s about to tell Jack all about the fact she knows about fEMT, she gets sniped*. Uh oh. Jack avoids sniper fire, snatches her up, runs out of building with her and gets in a cab. For some reason the sniper doesn’t take a shot at Jack…or Freckles…or the cabbie…or the tires…or even the windows. fEMT has a heart? Doesn’t want to draw more attention? I don’t get it. An amazing cabbie drives around all the cars in amazing fashion. I wish I got more stunt driver cabbies. He’s in a race against time to get to the hospital.

*Side Note: And where does Freckles get shot? In the chest/stomach area that was ominously foreshadowed by the characters talking about Teri—who was shot in the same place. Again, sucks to be a Jack girl.

Chloe (and more on her later) tells Arlo The Horndog about the shot-heard-round-CTU. Arlo is upset another girl may be dead to him. Literally. Chloe and Jack talk about Freckles “Red Square file”, the thing that may have led her to get shot. They better hurry up and check that file out. Why? Because Freckles is dead. A goner. And Jack is a mess. Jack cries against her head…SILENT CLOCK. Silent FUCKING Clock!

Damn Ruskies

Another thing 24 has in common with the James Bond movies? Blame the Arabs or the Ruskies for all the troubles. Much easier that way. Now we’re back to blaming the Russians. That's how we started the episode. Maybe there's a connection there? FOX News already had the story of Hassan’s death 5 minutes after it happened? Jeez. They are quick. I’m getting to get all my fair and balanced news from them from now on.

The Russian delegate says he’s sorry to the Fake Islamic Republic delegate but says he knows he has mixed feelings about President Hassan’s death. Why? This was the same delegate who was detained and probably tortured because of Hassan. It ain’t no thang to the IRK dude though who shrugs off the Russian. What he basically said? This isn’t the Cold War buddy and we’re not friends. Tough world.

The IRK delegate wants to speak with President Taylor about a way to extend peace conference before she dismisses the delegates. She’s willing to do it. Those delegates will have to wait. Taylor says that Hassan’s wife should be the leader of the IRK. What better way to represent her country that be a martyr’s wife. Dalia doesn’t want the job, however. Her and her husband didn’t really see eye-to-eye recently. Probably that whole “Western Whore” episode. Taylor tries to convince her about not letting the dream die. In the end, Dalia relents and she says she’ll take her husband’s place in the end.

All of a sudden, we see our new bad guy, the Russian delegate, again trying to speak to the President. Why does the Russian delegate always get to talk to the President? Doesn’t he need to go through the American delegate? Would Obama ever give the Russian delegate the time of day…never mind private meetings during this busy time? Not a chance. But Taylor has all the time in the world now that her buddy Omar is dead. So she humors the Russian. She lets him know Dalia Hassan is taking over, but the Russian dude is not happy about that. He contradicts everything that Taylor says. And, of course, he is speaking for President Subarov and the rest of the Russians. Oh, you better not be, or else this means war.

Dalia and her daughter have a fight about Dalia taking the position. She’s worried about her mother dying. Her mother is worried about Omar’s legacy being forgotten. Especially with the inevitable coup in progress. That’s not the only place there’s a coup in progress, as we learn by spanning to Ethan who is a “tough son-of-a-bitch” and is still alive. Ethan suggests Charles Logan as a person of interest. Logan has been calling Ethan, offering information. Yes, that does not sound the least bit ominous.

President Logan got to the UN awfully fast considering he probably lives in LA. Or he did the last time we saw him. Logan is very, very well informed. Almost too well informed. He also wants to be Russian, it seems, saying “in some ways, people love me there more than here”. Oh, I wonder why. Maybe he’s trying to gain his Russian stripes here. And how is he going to do that? “Leverage”---sounds like Sherry Palmer all over again (or Timothy Hutton’s hit TNT show according to Sarah). Season 2 and Season 3 comes back again! Let’s just send the criminal in to clean up a mess. Logan can still do some good. Or so he says. Let’s believe him and give him free reign. This can’t end badly. Not a chance.

Chloe Finally Gets Her Due

Meanwhile, back at CTU, there is a regime change in the works as well. Tim Woods of Homeland calls Chloe and tells her he wants to know if CTU can handle the UN security. Chloe is confused why Woods doesn’t want to speak to Bubba directly. Well, Bubba is getting canned and Chloe is taking over. Chloe is FINALLY taking charge. She does seem to be the only one with half a clue in the United States government so it’s about time.

Chloe thinks this is unfair for Bubba. I mean he did recruit Denny, let her leave during the crisis, didn’t stop any of the terrorist activity, let an EMP into CTU, let FP jr and Denny run rampant with their relationship, almost let Freckles take all of the blame for his mistakes, let Arlo sexually harass all the female employees, berated Chloe, still hasn’t discovered the dead man in his office panel, let nukes be transported all around New York, failed to protect President Hassan from two assassination attempts, lost countless men and women and data hours…but it does really seem like he’s getting a raw deal.

Bubba gives a speech about being proud to work for everyone and he’s gone. Chloe and Bubba have a warm good-bye—at least by Chloe’s standards. Bubba says he’s sorry that he doubted her….and as he leaves, Samir goes into cardiac arrest. He’s dead and Chloe knows something is up. She always knows something is up. That’s why she’s now in charge. Well that and her people skills. This should be fun.

Conclusion

The game has changed. Two episodes in a row we've ended with a silent clock. Two episodes in a row, a promise Jack has made has been broken. And two episodes in a row, we've seen Jack end as a broken man. Now, he has an edge again. It's been a while. The first three seasons, he was driven by avenging his wife's death and protecting his daughter. The past few? He didn't have the overarching goal. Now, it's to fuck up whoever did this to his girl and the guy he swore to protect. Jack is angry. Watch out.

Season grade so far: A- Hey, for once I can't complain much. I don't give up my right to do so, but I really like this season so far. I'm not sure where they go from here, though. Did they blow the load too early? I hope not. I think it's just enough time for Jack to spiral out of control. I can't wait. He hates back-to-back silent clocks. Just HATES them

Best line of the week: “I don't want to hold you down” - Freckles to Jack. And then she held him down. In a sexual way. Giggity

Best moment of the week: The sex. It was pent up for an entire season and a half plus. It needed to happen. And then it did.

Ari's body count: 85. Ari pointed out 2 I missed last week. Then we had Samir (already counted from last week), the old guy, and, sadly enough, Freckles, this episode. 86. Even for 24, that's a pretty good total.

Thoughts? Sad by Renee's death? Miss her already? Happy with the season? Let us know in the comments below.

All pictures from FOX.com