Leave Michael Phelps Alone

Ok...I'm sure the loyal readers of this blog will be like "wait...haven't you been poking fun at him since the news broke about Michael Phelps' bong smoking picture?". But the truth is that they really are only jokes. It's fun in this situation to make jokes. Other jokes could be about his "Omega 4:20 Watch" or "ROOR: Bong of Champions".

But there's no way that I'm willing to jump into the bandwagon that he's now a failure. Or, as Jay Mariotti says, that he's let down the children. Fuck that.

U.S. News and World Report came out with the stat last year that 42% of Americans at one time or another had hit the bong like Mr. Phelps...before they left high school. That leaves out the golden "let's try shit out time" of college. And that only really takes into account those who were truthful on the survey. I know, for a fact, that many, many people lie about not having done drugs on surveys for fear that they'll be prosecuted in some way.

I'm not advocating for or against marijuana use. But let's face it, we live in a society where marijuana use should probably be the least of our problems. The economy is in the shitter. Banks are falling every day. Unemployment is about to reach double figures. We're fighting two wars. The housing market has crumbled. We had a plan crash into the Hudson, have a volcano going off in Alaska, have a growing global warming and healthcare problem...and some Miami Vice cop in South Carolina wants to arrest Michael Phelps? Are you serious? Where is the war on drugs among our biggest issues? In the top 50? 100? Maybe we should find out a way to get people to stop smoking cigarettes first.

And the truth is that we can't say the standard is non-use. Bill Clinton: toked (some may joke that it was the only time his appetite for food may have exceeded his appetite for women). George Bush: big fan of blow (and who knows what else). Barack Obama: got high. If our parents grew up in the '60s or '70s they got high. If they grew up in the '80s or '90s they probably got high. The towel on this blog, Towlie, is high.

I also understand the fact that Michael Phelps is in the spotlight and is deemed as perfect and that we put a lot more pressure on him and surprise when he messes up. But as Sally Jenkins says in an amazing piece for the Washington Post called "Big Bong Theory": "No one is condoning illegal activity -- or admitting any. But frankly, it's better than drinking and driving, which is what Phelps did last time. And it's organic!" (she has a lot of great jokes in that article...definitely worth a read--maybe the best being "From Breaststrokes to Breasts-Tokes: How I Spent My Summer Olympics Vacation" by Michael Phelps.).

The fact is that we hold certain people to way-too-high standards. We all screw up. Especially when we're 23. Especially when we're well-paid athletes. Michael Jordan gambled and was supposedly an asshole. Muhammed Ali was a draft dodger. Pete Rose gambled on baseball and numerous others took steroids (including many Olympic athletes). Mike Tyson and Kobe Bryant were arrested for rape. How many celebrities have we seen mug shots of on TV?

This is not to say the idea of a role model in an athlete is dead (read my post on Adam Graves), but maybe we need to stop holding people we don't know to such lofty standards. Please people, the guy made a stupid mistake. He apologized. He's human. He didn't do something that gave him an advantage in swimming. He didn't do anything that would hurt someone else (unlike his previous DUI). He took a hit from a bong and some ratbastard snapped a picture and sold it to a sleezy British tabloid. Let's stop burying him and give him a break, already. Jeez.