Who's On Drugs Now? D-Wade, Albert/Joey Belle, NASCAR Driver and the Stripper Kisser

Athletes as role models? PLEASE. Give me a break. They're all on drugs. We've talked about it a lot on this blog: Michael Phelps (pot), Geovany Soto (marijuana), Sidney Ponson (stimulant/maybe-diet pills), Donte Stallworth (weed), Manny Ramirez (PEDs/women's drugs), Lenny Dykstra (probably a lot of shit), and, of course A-Rod (steroids).

Now we got some more to add to this list (all alleged of course...):

• Dwayne Wade thinks he's a rapper: he supposedly organizes sex parties and smokes weed. Awesome life, dude! This report is accoring to SportsByBrooks, who also talk about the accuser: "[Richard] Van Houtman said he twice saw Wade smoking a joint in the house but wasn’t in attendance for the orgies that Wade allegedly helped arrange." What an IDIOT! He knew that there were orgies going on but left? He watched someone smoke weed? Doesn't he know he's never going to be a professional athlete or rapper acting like that? And Dwayne Wade is just ripping up the competition: his divorce is so much weirder and messier than Kobe Bryant's!
• And then there's Albert Belle. This man HAS to be on something. Has to be. Had to be on something while he was playing (ie - steroids) and now is definitely on something (I go with crack). Because according to The Cleveland Plain Dealer, Belle called and wanted to talk about how frustrated he was with the Indians season so far and how he feels it's unfair that Manny Ramirez is singled out for steroids. When asked if Belle himself had done steroids, he said no, and attributed his anger not to steroids, but to being "an angry black man". This is the same man who once used a corked bat and had a teammate crawl through the ventilation system to retreive it. Oh yeah...and he also, according to the LA Times: threw a baseball at a fan, chased trick-or-treating children with his car, threw a baseball at a photographer, Belle screamed at a woman from NBC and was ordered to undergo counseling.
  So remember what Dan Patrick said about you, Albert (or shall we call you Joey)? You're no Kirby Puckett! I mean this is the Kirby Puckett, who, as Sports Illustrated revealed "tried to strangle [his ex-wife] with an electrical cord, locked her in the basement and used a power saw to cut through a door after she had locked herself in a room. Once...he even put a cocked gun to her head while she was holding their young daughter." Yeah Albert/Joey, Dan Patrick thinks you're worse than that.
  
• Meanwhile, racecar driver, Jeremy Mayfield, is a big meth user, according to ESPN. He just was suspended again for meth use. "Again?" you might ask. Well, yes...because as Deadspin points out, he was suspended for the first time in May. I'm telling you, this is the type of shit that gets America intrigued. At least Fake America (where I live).
• Lastly, Richard Gasquet was a tennis player suspended from the ATP Tour for cocaine use. The ruling was just reversed by the International Tennis Federation according to the New York Times. Thank goodness, too...you never want to be falsely accused of that. His defense? "Richard Gasquet escaped a lengthy doping ban Wednesday when the International Tennis Federation ruled that he inadvertently took cocaine by kissing a woman in a nightclub. The 23-year-old Frenchman, who was cleared to resume playing after completing a 2 1/2-month ban on Wednesday, convinced an independent anti-doping tribunal that he ingested cocaine from kissing the woman he had just met at the club in Miami." He even said the woman was named Pamela but didn't know her last name. What idiots! I use that excuse all the time. I can't BELIEVE they fell for that. I always tell them I'm a foreigner who didn't know you weren't supposed to kiss strippers in Miami because of fear of being drug tested afterward.
  

That, my friends, is amazing. Kids, don't do drugs.