Best. Note. Ever.

In the apartment complex at my parent's place, there are assigned parking spots. Ours is not really close to our apartment, so sometimes, when I'm only going to be there for a short time, I pull up next to the last car in the row and try to make a spot out of the end of the fire lane. I know it's not the best thing in the world to do, but it's really not blocking the traffic and it's so far away from the actual hydrant that I know I'm not blocking any rescue attempts.

But some people in my complex are crazy. Just really nuts. They go insane when someone parks in an illegal spot. But this note I received last night may have been the best. Ever. And I feel I need to do a little critiquing on it.

 

"You are illegal. This is a fire zone." - First, amazing use of punctuation. Very large, very emphatic periods (I've tried to bold them all to translate that effect). Very, very intimidating. Also, great use of underlining. But I do have to take some exception with this. I am, in fact a citizen of the United States. I am not, as you say, illegal. And the word underlined in the second sentence probably should be "this" rather than "fire", but I'll let it slide.

 

"You have endangered lives and created one lane to pass hidden on a turn." - The best argument of the entire note. Except none of it is true. And I think this deserves an exclamation point regardless. Or maybe the periods are supposed to intimidate. Three underlines in one sentence really makes me think. Though there doesn't really seem to be a pattern to the underlining. Maybe I'm supposed to use the underlined words to decode a secret message? Hmmm....

 

"How dare you. Park below. Expect to be towed or booted. Your plate # has been photo'd [sic]." - Underlining here gone wild. I think the first sentence should have "you" underlined, but I can definitely live with dare. I really just think he/she got lazy by the end. "photo'd"? That's not even a real contraction. And what is "photoed" anyways? That just seems like you made up that word. And why contract in that situation anyways? All he/she needed to do is replace the apostrophe with the letter "e" (if you deem that "photoed" is a word). Is that letter so hard to write? I don't think I'm listening to this note after that lackadaisical attitude. Though I am intimidated by this photo they've taken of my plate #. Though I'm curious why they didn't just write it down. Obviously they brought paper and a writing utensil to my car. Why go through all the effort to photo? And should I be threatened by "park below"? Is that a threat?   

 

"Don't park here again" - Whoa, no period at the end? No underlines. Now this person must be serious

 

"Expect to be towed" - OK, well I guess they ended on a good note. Though still no period at the end. Wonder if they got tired pushing down so hard to make a period. 

 

Final count is 12 underlines, 7 oversized periods, and one pissed off resident. I am certainly shaking in my boots. Amazing note. I wonder if the person writes this ahead of time and just puts it on any cars they see parked there. I'm going to make sure to continue to park in this place every time I go back in hopes of getting another note. I can only imagine what's coming next!