B - Build a Farm System
It doesn't matter how many positional players you truly have as long as you have enough pitchers and catchers. Since November 2006, the Yankees have had only 5 players that did not pitch or catch among their Top 10 prospects from Baseball America. Two of those guys have been traded (Austin Jackson and Jose Tabata), one is Brett Gardner (their starting LF), and the others are 3B Bradley Suttle (who has had two shoulder surgeries in the past year) and Slade Heathcott (their 2009 #1 pick). The key for you as Yankees' GM is spending money. There is no such thing as "sticking to slot" which allows you to pick up Scott Boras clients or waste money on guys like Drew Henson. (Either way, this is something that Brian Cashman wanted control of in 2005 to make the Yankees younger and it seems he's done it.) At the very least, you should corner the minor-league catching market forcing teams like Kansas City to spend oodles of money on Jason Kendall. Sweet victory!
R - Re-Acquire Former Yankees
Re-acquiring former Yankees is a key part of the System. Most of these former Yankees were guys jettisoned out by The Boss in past years. Players re-acquired by Brian Cashman under his watch include Javier Vazquez, Nick Johnson, Andy Pettitte, Tino Martinez, Mike Stanton, Ruben Sierra, Roger Clemens, Jeff Nelson, and others. This implicitly says to people "look, I didn't want to get rid of them in the first place" and shows how you were manipulated into sending them away from the Yankees. Joke around with the press about how you never rule acquiring (or re-acquiring anyone) making even Carl Pavano scared to leave the house. Call up Scott Proctor and jokingly ask him how his arm is doing. Make sure no one feels safe. You should know that reunion episodes on TV get huge ratings and there's no reason the same thing shouldn't happen on the baseball diamond.
I - Ignore the Luxury Tax Threshold
What is the amount a team can spend before they hit the luxury tax? You have no clue. Why? You don't care. It's not your money. The Yankees spent $423 million last off-season. This year they talked about decreasing budget. So you play the game for a few weeks and then go out and trade for another 10 M+ pitcher so that #1 - #4 in your rotation, you're paying guys at least $11.5 M next season. And since you pay a 40% luxury tax, each of those pitchers really makes over $16 M. The Red Sox tried to maneuver their off-season to avoid hitting the luxury tax but you could care less. The luxury tax was instituted to try to reign in your spending but you now spend more to "stick it to the man". Since 2003, you've paid $174 million in luxury tax payments. All other teams combined? $16 million. Suckers!
A - Always Stay Loyal
Listen, you can sleep when you die. The key is to stay loyal to the organization that you started with. Cashman started with the Yankees in 1986 as an intern and hasn't left yet. You may threaten to leave and maybe even get offers from the Washington Nationals claiming that you want to go back to the city where you attended school. But in the end, you'll come back. They know you will. And you know you will. You get paid well and you know that eventually George Steinbrenner was going to stop calling you at 3 AM wondering why you didn't sign David Ortiz when he was a free agent. So what if you grind your teeth in your sleep, your vacations are non-existent and you're aging faster that Robin Williams in Jack? So what if you've lost all your hair (like the picture on the top right from Bleacher Report shows)? Bruce Willis doesn't have hair! Always stay loyal to your team--no matter what.
N - Never Settle
This last one is a key one. Never settle for anything less than an All-Star at every position. The "we're going with Mike Lamb at 3B" bit before they acquired A-Rod was great. The "Bubba Crosby is our everyday CF" act before they signed Johnny Damon was legendary. And this off-season featured "Juan Miranda as the DH" and "Brett Gardner is our everyday LF". It seems like it's amazing misdirection but it's truly never settling. Always claim you're happy with you have now to the press, the fans and your team, but secretly always be working on an upgrade. Sometimes seem like you're about to settle and then at the last second, come up with a bombshell. A good example of this is when Cashman seemed like he was going into the 2009 season with Nick Swisher as the everyday 1B, denied any team interest in Mark Teixeira and then swooped in and got him right under the Red Sox noses. You can seem like you're settling for a while when you put Angel Berroa at 3B and play Cody Ransom regularly, but this makes you seem like even more of a genius when you make trades for guys like Jerry Hairston, Jr. The key is never settling for second place, so when your team fails to make the playoffs for the first time in 13 years, it is key to go spend $423 million in free agency. Never settle for anything less than the best. And always remember: it's not your money.
So there you have it, "The B.R.I.A.N. System". Seems pretty foolproof and you should definitely try using it the next time you are a Major League Baseball General Manager. I think the GM of the Marlins should start implementing this plan right away. It's much better than getting slack from other people about not spending enough. And I'll repeat it one more time: it's not your money!
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