According to hirejimessian.com, Jeff Baker of the Chicago Cubs missed several consecutive days at the end of April and the beginning of May due to a farting accident. Here’s the post:
By the way, there is a reason Baker has not been starting until today. I know someone in the Cubs organization, who informed me last week that Baker and two pitchers, one of them a starter, were lighting farts in the clubhouse, when something went awry, and Baker suffered second degree burns to his patoot. Even worse, a pitcher got a slight burn on his throwing hand. The hair on Bakers behind got singed, so he is now hairless there. In tonights game, he was lifted for a pinch hitter, something Lou never does. The reason—–the blisters on his bottom burst, causing so much water, that Theriot accused him of wetting his pants. He never came out of the clubhouse, so Lou was forced to put in Fontenot.
There’s no official word from the Cubs, and we shouldn’t expect it. When Carrie Muskat, the beat writer for the Chicago Cubs for MLB.com was questioned about Baker’s whereabouts, she said, “You’re right, Baker hasn’t played since April 26.” I’m wondering if she knows a little more than she wants to say in public.Wow. I found out about this story from HardballTalk's Craig Calcaterra who tweeted: "Someone please tell me this is true. I'll even accept a 'no comment' that we can all assume to be an admission." I just hope that the Cubs PR person laughing off the call from Deadspin means that they're trying to hint that it's true. Can this just be another thing that pisses off Lou Pinella to no end? Lighting farts is about as American as it gets--a national past time. Everyone is doing it. And while Kenny killed himself in South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut, Jeff Baker may or may not have missed a few days of baseball. In the words of Frank Zappa: "The manly art of fart-burning. Compression, ignition, combustion and exhaust."
Picture from My Cubs Today
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