Miami, Police Ask For Help Locating Lebron's Offense

The Miami Heat and South Florida Police are asking for the public's help in finding Lebron James' offense, the main part of the 26 year old basketball player which disappeared before game 4 of the NBA Finals. James--who police warn is clearly mentally unstable for deciding to host a one-hour "Decision" on where he would play basketball in the 2010-11 season--has been declared a missing talent case following game 4. Last year it went missing towards the end of his days in Cleveland, notably quitting in the final game loss to the Celtics, so the public shouldn't be that concerned as its happened before. This time however it could be much more serious as his doctors have warned the public that the bigger the stage, the more the offense tends to vanish--and it doesn't get much bigger then the Finals that Lebron is en route to blowing.

According to teammates in Miami, his talent has been going through a serious crisis brought about by the move to Miami. In the finals especially, the offensive ability of James seems to be trying to play more like J.J. Barea or a hybrid mix of Raymond Felton and your average NBA shooting guard, than like the MVP known for drives in the lane and putting up massive amounts of points. Said teammate Dwayne Wade "I know it has been hard for his offense, he was so used to being the star, and now he feels obligated to like, have assists and stuff, it's really different."

Inside sources have blamed Chris Bosh for the disappearence. An unnamed coach said "Bosh needs the ball, so Lebron feels obligated to help feed him it so he doesn't have another meltdown like he did after we lost to Chicago."

Here in the Finals Lebron has taken this role to heart, feeding Bosh to the tune of 24 points in game 4, and the game winning shot in game 3. This deferment has caused his offense to be as much of a mirage as his championship rings.

According to police it began to feel unstable after the fourth quarter of game 2, in which the offense spent much of the time camped out around the three point line, shooting heavily contested jumpers en route to yet another epic choke. Police insist the offense can be found, but many around the country are not holding their breath. Said former boss Dan Gilbert "Forget Lebron, I hope they never find the offense, he deserves to suffer, so if anything we will take the offense up to Siberia, if we find it, Go Mavs." In fact Gilbert has chartered a jet in Cleveland with the flight path putting it somewhere near the North Pole tomorrow, but then again Lebron's O couldn't get much colder then it is already.

This doesn't look good for the Heat who desperately need the offense of Lebron in order to win. It is abundantly clear following the first four games of the Finals, that the squad needs Lebron's offense back to have a chance. If anyone has any information, they should call 1-800-FIND-LBJ, or if they're outside of South Florida, most likely they will want to hold on to it for the next couple of weeks.